"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
