Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
