So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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