So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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