She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we're making bets on your personal life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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