great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
