yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
