watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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