you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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