i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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