There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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