If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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