I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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