Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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