Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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