when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
