she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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