Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
