What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
