I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
