That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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