I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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