What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
