my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
