Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
