i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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