All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
