I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
