Buhtt sex?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize