i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
