Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
