It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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