you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
