was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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