Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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