I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
