you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
