Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
worst night to have a conscience
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
