I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
