CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
