a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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