it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
