Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
