Nicole vs. Life
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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