Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
