Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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