SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
