if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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