maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
