Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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