ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
