How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
