dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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