she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.