Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.