Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.