Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?

  (646): View more from New York

  Lmao what?

  (917): View more from New York City

  It's a yes or no question.

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  (917): She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms? (646): Lmao what? (917): It's a yes or no question. http://tfl.nu/ypn0
  Replies (20) Good night (5420) Bad night (1582)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

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  (517): he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there. http://tfl.nu/pbyg
  Replies (14) Good night (6311) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.

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  (563): The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/t1x0
  Replies (10) Good night (4804) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.

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  (651): just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot. (1-651): called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck. http://tfl.nu/1omb
  Replies (18) Good night (6247) Bad night (1731)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.

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  (865): In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly. http://tfl.nu/9uwy
  Replies (10) Good night (876) Bad night (4317)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.

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  (408): Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick. http://tfl.nu/f6ps
  Replies (8) Good night (1033) Bad night (2349)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Jail. That could go wrong.

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  (901): Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong? (325): Jail. That could go wrong. http://tfl.nu/f51a
  Replies (5) Good night (2327) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.

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  (305): i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes. http://tfl.nu/n4c7
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning

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  (314): I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning http://tfl.nu/jesw
  Replies (1) Good night (880) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.

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  (215): If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will. http://tfl.nu/oylu
  Replies (9) Good night (1232) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.

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  (205): Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict. http://tfl.nu/g96l
  Replies (3) Good night (470) Bad night (1167)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left

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  (864): That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left http://tfl.nu/rl6q
  Replies (7) Good night (1292) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.

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  (714): I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented. http://tfl.nu/mdds
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.

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  (253): Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day. http://tfl.nu/ofil
  Replies (4) Good night (395) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you

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  (505): Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you http://tfl.nu/jh87
  Replies (2) Good night (778) Bad night (217)

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