Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
