I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
