Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
