I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
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The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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