please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
