It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
