sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
