the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
