my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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