I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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