you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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