Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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