I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
