You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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