she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
