I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
