I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
