sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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