in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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