when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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