dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh god it's open bar.
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