My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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